


only a fool falls in love

by mac_irony



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Suga, Canon Compliant, Crushes, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sugawara Koushi-centric, bisexual oikawa, kinda sorta?, might make you cry, mostly - Freeform, pov switching, sad sagawara koushi, suga was childhood bffs with iwaoi, the angst kinda comes out of no where oops, this starts out cute and progressively gets sadder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 10:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11438856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mac_irony/pseuds/mac_irony
Summary: Koushi has never fallen in love. He gets crushes on people, sure. Who doesn't. But never has that manifested into love.OR5 times Suga had crush and the 1 time he fell in love





	only a fool falls in love

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This starts off pretty cute and fun but it gets rough later on. The angst gets kinda heavy, so be careful. There is a happy ending though!
> 
> this is also unedited for right now lol sorry
> 
> Also this is my first Haikyuu fic so bear with me
> 
> (last but not least, sorry if suga is a little ooc, I wanted to give him some more character depth bc I feel like fanon suga can be really one note so I hope you guys like it!!!)

1.  
Sugawara Koushi is eight years old when he develops his first crush.

It’s on the pretty girl who lives across the street from him. The girl who walks to and from primary school with him with their fingers wrapped around each other, swinging between them.

Koushi is certain he’s going to marry her, so much that he told her and their moms one day on the walk back from school one day. She giggles with him and tells him that the flowers better be pink or else she’ll say no. Their parents croon over how cute they are, pleased that they’ve created such a perfect pair.

It lasts about a week. 

They’re in different classes, and she’s pretty. People want to be her friend. 

She doesn’t bother trying to factor Koushi into the equation.

She stops holding his hand during their walks and she doesn’t laugh at his jokes anymore. Koushi is too shy to keep trying.

He lets her be and starts keeping to himself. He doesn’t ask her to eat lunch anymore and he sits alone as he picks at his bento. It’s okay that he doesn’t have any friends. It’s absolutely fine that the only friend he’s ever had doesn’t want to be with him anymore. He is sad, but he is fine.

Until one day he feels a tap on his shoulder and he turns to see two kids, one with hair spiked like a porcupine, and the other with a grin so blinding that Koushi has to blink a few times to adjust.

“Hi! I’m Oikawa Tooru and this is Iwa-chan! You look sad- Ow!” The smiley one cries out as porcupine elbows him in the side.

“You can’t just tell people they look sad, Stupidkawa!” he snaps at the taller boy before turning back to Koushi. “I’m Iwaizumi Hajime, and we’ve noticed you’ve been sitting by yourself. Would you mind if we sat and ate with you?”

“Um, thank you, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Koushi responds fiddling with his hands in embarrassment.

“Of course we want to!” Oikawa-san. And just like that, it’s settled. Just like that, Koushi has friends. Just like that, the girl across the street doesn’t really matter that much.

 

2.  
Of course, primary school can’t last forever, and just Koushi’s luck that his only two friends aren’t going to his middle school. He has to start the process all over again.

The first friend he makes in middle school is Shimizu Kiyoko and she’s easily the prettiest girl Koushi’s ever seen and the nicest. 

They click almost immediately, bonding over their shared love of writing and dislike of math. She supports him at volleyball matches, and he watches her track meets. It’s a quite conventional friendship and that’s all he could have asked for.

It’s almost too easy to develop a crush on her. 

He notices it when her confessions start rolling in. Every other day she’s being pulled out of lunch for some guy to tell her that she’s pretty or whatnot. Koushi realizes that he doesn’t want her to leave him for any of those other guys. He wants her to stay with him.

But of course, they’re friends first. Koushi’s too afraid of being alone that he’s not willing to risk it.

It lasts through most of middle school, and he’s done a great job so far of hiding it. It’s towards the end of their third year that it finally comes full circle.

“Sugawara, I don’t think I’ll ever like a boy in a romantic way,” She states plainly one day during lunch.

“Really?” He asks.

“I think so. I think I like girls. You know… in that way,” she says shyly, poking at her food and not looking at him.

“Wait, you’re allowed to like people that are the same gender?” Koushi asks, wide-eyed with curiosity. He’d never heard about it before now.

She lets out a small laugh and smiles, “You can like whoever you want to, Sugawara. No one should stop you.”

“That’s so cool!” He’s so fascinated by this new concept and it explains so much. He feels a lot less guilty at thinking that Tooru was cute back in primary school. “I’m sorry I had a crush on you then Shimizu!” He stutters out, honestly feeling bad for possibly making her uncomfortable.

She laughs again and waves it off, “It’s fine, don’t worry. I didn’t even know until you just told me.”

He continues to apologize as she laughs and he realizes he’s perfectly content with just being her friend. The crush is gone and life seems much easier now.

 

3.  
Koushi wasn’t ready for his third crush.

Koushi wasn’t ready for Sawamura Daichi.

Koushi wasn’t ready to have a crush on Sawamura Daichi.

Maybe Koushi just has a knack for liking his friends in a more-than-friends way.

Whatever it is, it’s not fair. Daichi is attractive and polite and he seems to genuinely enjoy hanging out with Koushi, which is nice considering that he’s the only one out of their quartet (consisting of them, Shimizu, and Asahi) who’s in the same class. 

He complains only to Shimizu about his predicament, as she’s probably the only one who would understand, and every time is met with a snicker and some comment about how his gay crisis should not be this complicated. Shimizu gets sassy when it’s one-on-one.

He makes it through the rest of first year, and most of second year without any snags, until one day his “gay crisis” grabs him by the wrist and pulls him to the side of the gym after practice one day. 

They’re both sweaty and gross and it’s not like it’s abnormal for the future captain and vice-captain to talk off to the side like this, but something about Daichi seems off, and almost nervous.

“Suga, I just want you to know, I like you, in a little-more-than-friends way, and I’m pretty sure you like me too. So I was wondering if you would like to try it. Us, I mean. Try us. Dating. I’m not sure I'm doing this right,” Daichi stutters out and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck.

Koushi is shocked and confused beyond belief, “What do you mean you like me? How did you even know that I like you?” He’s trying to look back to see where he tripped up when he hears Daichi chuckle.

“Shimizu told me. I asked how to ask you out and she told me that anything would work, and to do it soon because she’s heard too much about you’re ‘gay crisis’ as she put it.”

“If she wasn’t so pretty I’d peg a volleyball at her face,” Koushi frowns.

“Look, Suga. If you don’t want to it’s no big deal, but I thought I’d ask. I think we’d be good together,” Daichi says while keeping a straight face. Koushi’s impressed; he definitely couldn’t do what Daichi is doing right now. But that doesn’t mean he can’t respond!

He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts that he forgets to respond.

“Suga?” Daichi waves in his face.

“Sorry! I was just lost in thought!” he shoots Daichi a wide smile as he accepts the offer.

Daichi’s smile matches his as they walk out of the gym later, hand in hand.

Being with Daichi was easy. There was no awkwardness with their friends or the team, especially because they kept the PDA super low. Like almost nonexistent, super low. Most of the team their third year doesn’t even know their together and are shellshocked when they find out.

Being with Daichi is easy. It’s too easy. Koushi likes Daichi, he really does. But something about their relationship is off. It doesn’t feel like a relationship. It feels like they’re friends who hold hands and hug a little more than usual. They kissed once, and since, it’s like there’s a mutual understanding to not do that again.

Koushi likes Daichi, he’s just not sure if it’s really in a more-than-friends way anymore. But just like middle school, he’s too afraid of losing his best friend to say anything.

Luckily, he and Daichi are seemingly on the same wavelength, because one day after practice, Koushi is pulled aside by his wrist and Daichi lays out plain and simple, everything that’s been on Koushi’s mind about what’s wrong with their relationship. 

He and Daichi laugh about how hard they were trying to force something, thinking that it was what the other wanted, and they come to the conclusion that best friend is the best position for the other. They leave together that night with comfortable smiles on their faces and the knowledge that their friendship can last through anything.

Koushi was ready for his crush on Sawamura Daichi to end.

 

*~*interlude*~*  
Hajime can still feel the adrenaline pulsing through his veins as they climb on the bus after the win against Karasuno. It felt good to have beaten them after their loss in the practice match, although, having to shake his childhood friend’s hand who was clearly holding back tears made him a little guilty for feeling so happy.

The bus is buzzing with noise, yet Oikawa, next to him, is oddly quiet. “Oi, Shittykawa, what’s in your head? You should be gloating right about now,” Hajime says elbowing his best friend in the side.

“I’m fine, Iwa-chan. I was just thinking-”

“That’s dangerous,” Hajime interjects.

“Rude Iwa-chan!” Oikawa squawks indignantly. “As I was saying, I was thinking about Karasuno’s number two. I think I know why looks familiar now.”

“Oh really?” He plays along, knowing it’ll be amusing when Oikawa finally realizes that it’s Koushi who’s wearing that black and orange jersey that he’s come to hate so much.

“Yeah, I think he looks a little like Kou-chan! You remember him, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa looks out the window again, probably reminiscing on their primary school days.

Hajime can’t help but snicker at Oikawa’s obliviousness. When Oikawa asks why he’s laughing he simply states, “Took you long enough. We were betting on how long it would take you to notice.”

“Refreshing-kun is Kou-chan?” Oikawa almost screeches. “And you’ve been in contact with him without me? And betting on me too?”

“We talked after the practice match for a minute but other than that not really. I made the bet up to piss you off,” Hajime smirks as Oikawa lets out another shriek.

“Mean Iwa-chan! I can’t believe he didn’t come talk to me!”

“He was probably avoiding upsetting Kageyama.”

“Kou-chan’s gotten pretty don’t you think Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asks, choosing to ignore the statement about their former junior.

“I can’t believe you’re still calling him that after all these years without contact,” He responds.

“He’ll always be Kou-chan! Just like you’ll always be Iwa-chan!” Oikawa responds with a cheesy smile.

“At least he gets a reprieve from the dumb nicknames,” he mutters half-heartedly.

“Mean, Iwa-chan!”

 

4.  
Koushi is beginning to worry that he’s a little superficial. Every crush he’s ever had has started basically because they’re pretty.

Akaashi Keiji is probably one of the prettiest people Koushi has ever met in his entire life.

His crush on Akaashi starts when Akaashi starts university at the same school in Tokyo that he, along with Kuroo, Oikawa, and of course Bokuto, attended.

He had heard stories about Akaashi from Bokuto, and sometimes Kuroo, on the movie nights the four had, the year before. But nothing compared to the real Akaashi. He was even prettier than Koushi had remembered from the training camps in high school, he was incredibly friendly despite his face constantly looking like he’d rather be asleep, and his dry sense of humor was amazingly complementary to Koushi’s. 

Koushi wasn’t stupid enough to think that he had a chance with Akaashi. He spent last year listening to Bokuto practically shout his love for his former setter from rooftops and letting his (now former) roommate complain about how if Bokuto wasn’t going to do something about it then Kuroo was going to tell Akaashi himself. Not to mention that the minute Akaashi set foot on campus, it was easy to see that he looked at Bokuto like he had hung all the stars in Akaashi’s sky.

It was true love if Koushi had ever seen it.

Somehow, however, his stomach didn’t exactly get the message, as every time he was with Akaashi, little tiny butterflies seemed to start cage fights inside of it. It was vastly frustrating.

Luckily, Oikawa was a really good friend and roommate and let Koushi whine about Akaashi to his heart’s content. And even though Koushi offered to let Oikawa come to him with any guy or gal troubles, Oikawa had simply shrugged it off with a, “Don’t worry about me Kou-chan! There are too many people in the world who love me and to ask you for that much help would be rude!”

His crush on Akaashi is resolved easily enough. He witnesses Bokuto dash across campus and tackle Akaashi to the ground and before he could say anything, press his lips to Akaashi’s. It was sweet to witness and the look of pure joy on his face when Akaashi realized that his feelings were requited was unlike anything Koushi had ever seen before.

And just like that, Koushi was crush free again feeling as calm as he had when he and Daichi broke up. 

When he went home excited to tell Oikawa the good news, he caught the lanky boy sprawled across their sofa with his phone tilted to the side. He was clearly FaceTiming someone, and there was only one person it could really be.

“Oh! Kou-chan! Come and talk with Iwa-chan and me!” Oikawa called out, waving Koushi over.

“Hey, Hajime!” he waved to his friend

“Hey, Suga! I’m surprised he let you sit in on this call. He usually sends everyone away and refuses to let me talk to his friends.

“Because you’ll embarrass me Iwa-chan!” Oikawa whined.

Koushi laughed and threw his arm around Oikawa, “He only lets me in because he loves me too much.” 

(It’s obviously a joke on Suga’s end and maybe that’s why Hajime texts Oikawa later to make sure he’s alright. He knows that being in love with a best friend who has no idea can be rough.)

 

5.  
Koushi is pissed.

Correction: Koushi is fucking pissed.

Koushi is tired of getting these dumb crushes on his best and closest friends. He lucked out with Shimizu and Daichi, but soon enough fate’s going to realize it’s been too good to Koushi and ruin everything and he’ll lose Oikawa for good.

Oh yeah, that’s right, Koushi’s got a crush on Oikawa Tooru, who is by far the worst of his friends to develop a crush on.

He’s not even sure when it started, but every time he looks at Oikawa his heart speeds up and his insides are doing flips and it makes him want to just leave and take a nap.

He’s beautiful and it’s so vastly frustrating because everyone knows he’s gorgeous and that he’s perfect but Koushi knows he’s not and that’s why he’s got this dumb crush. He knows that Oikawa isn’t naturally a genius and has to work his ass off to keep up with schoolwork, volleyball, and maintaining his friends, all of which need to be perfect to keep up his image. Koushi knows that when school is too hard that the best thing for Oikawa is to make a cup of tea, sit him down and talk about anything but school. He knows what stretches Oikawa needs to do for his knee and he can tell when he doesn’t do them. He knows that some nights Oikawa just needs a quiet night watching bad movies in their living room with no one but maybe Koushi around. He knows about his dumb obsession with aliens that’s stuck with him since he was six and Koushi still likes his despite it all. Maybe because of it all.

Liking Oikawa is the worst because he feels like even if he did ever tell him, Oikawa would brush it off and Koushi would just fade in as another fan, and that’s the opposite of what Koushi wants. Just like he was in middle school and in high school, he is absolutely terrified of being left alone by the people he considers his closest friends, and he never has, and never will be willing to give up a fantastic friendship because of his dumb feelings.

Hajime figured it out easily on the third FaceTime call they have without Oikawa.

“Koushi, I understand, really don’t sweat it. Everyone falls in love with Oikawa at least a little. Hell, even I was in love with him at one point.”

“You were? And I’m not in love with him it’s just a silly crush,” Koushi doesn’t mean to sound so defensive but it comes across that way.

“Whatever you say. And yeah. It was years ago, in high school. I got over it relatively quickly,” Hajime’s response comes easily.

“How’d you do it?” Koushi almost begs.

“That eager to stop it?” Hajime laughs.

“You’ve seen what it’s like. There’s a new date every night and eight more people in line each time you check,” he whines.

“Nah, I get it. Honestly, I did it by playing his game. Go on dates. Learn what it’s like to not be hung up on him.”

“I think I’ll try that.”

“Good luck, Koushi.”

Koushi does try it. It goes poorly. Each date he goes on is twice as bad as the one that precedes it. 

The first one he went on was with Shirabu Kenjirou who was just way too salty about his last breakup to be good company. The second one was with one of Oikawa’s fangirls who’s just trying to use him to get closer to Oikawa. The third date, the guy’s ex walks in and proclaims that he never stopped loving the guy Koushi is currently on a date with and their coffee is still warm once he’s left alone in the coffee shop with looks of pity casting down on him.

He goes home from that third date and puts a DVD in the player, curls up on the couch, wraps himself in blankets, and proceeds to watch two hours worth of Sailor Moon before he hears the jingle of keys in the door, signaling Oikawa’s return.

The door swings open and not only is his roommate home but he’s brought a guy home.

Koushi watches silently as Oikawa closes the door turns around and kisses his date with a passion that Koushi wishes he could pretend he had. He watches them pull away and sees Oikawa’s eyes shining as he looks at this guy, looking at him like he’s afraid if he looks away he’ll disappear and Koushi feels his stomach tighten and his palms ache and he just wishes they would go to Oikawa’s room so he doesn’t have to watch the guy he likes look at someone else like that. But then when they do, all Koushi can think about is that Oikawa is in there with someone and it’s not him and that stings like hell.

Koushi makes his way to his room enough later that he’s sure he won’t hear Oikawa through the walls and he lays down thinking about how easy it was to watch his crush on Akaashi fade watching him be genuinely happy and in a relationship with Bokuto, and that must mean that his crush on Oikawa is probably going away. 

He goes to sleep with a small smile on his face and tear stains down his cheeks that he refuses to acknowledge.

(He also goes to bed not realizing how the guy Oikawa brought home looked almost exactly like him down to the practically silver hair.)

 

+1  
Koushi wakes up the next morning and he’s almost sick to his stomach when he feels the sharp pain in his chest and sees his tear-stained pillow a realizes that he’s still in love with Oikawa.

Wait.

Since when is Koushi in love with Oikawa?

How does Koushi even know he’s in love? He’s never been before.

He tries to talk himself out of it but there’s practically no use. Being around Oikawa is addictive. He is so bright and he makes KOushi just want to stay there forever. He’s never felt this way. Not with Shimizu, not with Daichi, no one. No one but Oikawa makes has ever made him feel this strongly. It’s both the best and worst feeling in the world and Koushi’s really not excited to go out that door and see Oikawa cooking breakfast for some guy that’s not him, but Koushi also knows he can’t get through the day without coffee so he walks out anyway.

Oikawa is in the kitchen, but there’s seemingly no one else in the apartment besides the residents and Koushi breathes easily for a minute.

He sees that Oikawa is poking at something on the stove and it’s almost endearing until he remembers that the last time Oikawa tried to cook they got an earful from their landlord about how if the fire alarm went off one more time they’d be looking for a new place to live. So Koushi runs into the kitchen, shoves his roommate out of the way and turns off the burner that Oikawa was using to cook pancakes.

They get in a small squabble about Oikawa’s cooking skills which results in Oikawa making the coffee and Koushi making them actual food. The whole thing is sickeningly domestic and it makes his chest ache, but he pushes through breakfast and pretends he isn’t drowning in emotion every time he looks at Oikawa.

He does this for a while.

And by a while, he means a year.

A year has gone by since Koushi has accepted that he’s in love with Oikawa and while it may seem like nothing has changed, something definitely has. Every time Oikawa either gets slightly too close to Koushi, or if they touch for a moment longer than usual, Oikawa is flinching away like he’s being burned. Not to mention the looks. Every time Koushi even glances at Oikawa, the other boy snaps his head away as if looking at him physically pained him.

Koushi’s sure he’s figured it out by now. Why else would he be so anxious around him? He’s sure his secrets out and he’s terrified of what comes next. He knows they need to talk about it but he is too scared that bringing it up will scare Oikawa away for good, and Koushi is too terrified of being left that he decides to wait for Oikawa. He’s clearly noticed something and he never keeps his mouth shut for long so it’s bound to come out, and then they can have a normal conversation about it and everything can be fine.

Koushi gets tired of waiting. It’s been a month and Koushi doesn’t know how to be around him with all this tension that Oikawa seems desperate to ignore. So Koushi takes matters into his own hands.

He starts to pull away from Oikawa. 

It’s difficult but he manages. They still live together and Koushi’s too broke to move out so he just schedules very carefully. They still share friends but Koushi figures that they probably want Oikawa there more than him, so he stops hanging out with them. He’s still scared of being alone so he schedules more visits to Miyagi to see Daichi and Asahi, and occasionally when she’s back Kiyoko.

The friends are the hardest. Bokuto and Kuroo notice immediately and are so angry at him that they freeze him out almost completely. They don’t even wave to him in their shared classes anymore. Akaashi has come over once or twice trying to convince him to come to group events. He at first declined, and eventually just stopped answering the door. Tsukishima texted, wondering if he was alright and told him that he was there if he needed to talk. He knew they were worried when Tsukki was the one contacting him but he still left it unopened. They pulled out the big guns and when he checked his phone one day, there were four missed calls from Yamaguchi each with a voicemail. Koushi didn’t even listen to them. He doesn’t even pick up the phone when Hajime calls. 

The visits to Miyagi help, but he can tell that Asahi and Daichi are worried about him and getting a little tired of him being such a drag. He feels bad but if they leave he has no one and Koushi’s biggest fear has always been being alone.

He may have done it to himself but Koushi is too close to that for comfort right now.

*~*~*~*  
Daichi has never been angrier at Oikawa in his life. Not when he heard about his treatment of Kageyama, not when they were beaten by him at Inter High, never. Daichi may not have any romantic inclination towards Suga, but he is still Daichi’s best friend and to see him like this is what Daichi has desperately tried to avoid for as long as possible.

Daichi is a little less angry at Oikawa when he finds out that this is actually all Suga’s fault. 

Daichi is much more scared for Suga when Yamaguchi calls him in tears asking if Suga’s alright because they’re terrified for his health out in Tokyo and he won’t pick up his calls.

So Daichi calls the only other person who might have a clue what's going on.

Iwaizumi picks up on the third ring and doesn’t at all seem surprised to get the call and even answers it, “Koushi too?”

Together they formulate a plan. It’s a basic plan: get the two of them in the same room. One of them will burst. Probably Oikawa.

They call and text and email and eventually every one of their friends in Tokyo is on board. The two of them, and Asahi, hop on a train to Tokyo and help set the apartment Tsukishima, Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Yamaguchi share for a large get-together of friends. 

Daichi drags Suga to the party much against his will, while Iwaizumi just assures that Oikawa will be there.

The plan starts off fine. Suga is beginning to talk to people who aren’t Daichi or Asahi, Oikawa is giving off fewer fake smiles but then something clicks and they spot each other from across the room and everything they planned goes to shit.

Suga turns to Daichi and hisses, “You set me up. You asshole. You know I can’t be here when he’s here.” And if Daichi wasn’t so certain that this is what was best for Suga, he probably would have felt bad. Instead, he keeps a tight grip on Suga and passes his friend a beer.

Oikawa takes one look at Suga, then turns to Iwaizumi and mutters, “I’m going to have the worst hangover of my life tomorrow,” before tossing back a shot.

*~*~*~*  
Koushi isn’t sure how he got here but he’s currently in Kuroo and Tsukki’s bedroom, sipping at his third(?) drink and praying that the door will unlock if he stares at it hard enough.

Oh yeah, Oikawa’s there too.

He can feel the taller boy staring daggers into his back and he’s too scared to face him so he keeps staring at the door.

“Kou-chaaaan,” Oikawa whines “You left us. You left me. Why did you leave?” 

Koushi can hear the alcohol’s effect and really doesn’t want to deal with a drunk Oikawa, especially since he’s not exactly sober himself.

“We’re not talking about this now, Oikawa.”

“You used to call me Tooru when we were kids. Why don’t you call me that anymore?”

“You told me not to when we got to college.”

“That’s stupid. Why did I do that?”

“I don’t know Oikawa.”

“You’re being hostile, Kou-chan.”

“Oh really.” Koushi can feel the bubble sitting at the top of his chest waiting to burst, and he’s praying for once that Oikawa keeps his mouth closed.

“You left me Kou-chan and now you’re being mean. All I ever did was love you and now you’re being mean.”

It bursts.

“All you ever did was love me, huh? Yea I’m sure that exactly what you did, Oikawa.”

“What do you-”

“I mean that you never loved me and you never will and that is the thing I’ve had to live with for almost two years now and it’s slowly killing me, but no, of course. You’re the one who’s hurt because all you did was love me.”

“Kou-chan what are you-”

“Don’t play dumb. Oikawa. It doesn’t suit you.”

“I don’t-”

“Of course you don’t because you never see what’s going on right in front of your eyes. You’re observant as hell when it comes to everything but the people who care about you. To you, they’re all one blur of fangirls and screams and you can’t see that anyone might feel something for you beyond that.”

“Kou-”

“Let me finish, dammit. You play the part of the victim so well that you had me convinced. You had me convinced that you were being attacked by my feelings for you but were too nervous to say anything so I pulled away thinking that I was making life easier for you. But now I think you knew that I was head over heels and you just wanted me to go away. So you played the victim. This was all a part of your scheme to leave me clutching at my last friends praying I don’t drive them away.

“Kou-chan I love-”

“Don’t pull that shit with me Oikawa I’m not your pawn.”

“But I-”

“No. I’m not going to listen to you get my hopes up just to have them smashed all over again.

“Can we just wait until tomorrow to talk about this? I’m not feeling-”

“You’re the one who kept insisting we talk about it. Why are you acting like this?”

“Kou-chan my head-” Oikawa was swaying and holding his head with one hand while reaching out for Koushi with the other.

“Oikawa what are you doing?” Koushi growled out just as Oikawa dropped forward, falling to the ground. 

“Tooru!” Koushi yelled, lunging forward to keep him from hitting the ground too hard.

Oikawa was barely awake in his arms and was mumbling about wanting to go home.

Koushi called Daichi to unlock the door

*~*~*~*  
When Koushi pulled himself and a slightly more conscious Oikawa through the door it was barely past midnight.

He got the brown-haired boy into bed and under the covers easily enough. As he went to leave he felt a tug on his wrist, pulling him back to the boy under the covers. 

“Kou-chan, please stay. I know you’re mad but I won’t ask you for anything else if you just stay with me tonight.” It’s the most coherent sentence he’s heard from Oikawa all night.

He takes a good look at Oikawa and realizes he’s never been able to say no to him.

He crawls in next to him and within the hour they’re both dead asleep.

*~*~*~*  
Koushi wakes up and regrets every decision he made last night. Now not only does he have a minor hangover, but he’s also in Oikawa Tooru’s bed and it’s too good to be true.

Oikawa is facing him, has one leg thrown over his two, and is clutching to his shirt as if he’s pulling him closer. That’s a thought Koushi can’t afford to have.

He’s well aware that he needs to move, and he needs to do it before Oikawa wakes up because they’re too close and everything Koushi’s worked so hard to keep at bay is bubbling up the longer he stays here.

He finally goes to move, when suddenly his shirt is being gripped tighter and the body next to him lets out a whimper.

“Don’t go,” he hears, and he can’t tell if Oikawa is sleep talking or if he’s awake.

Oikawa opens his eyes and Koushi’s drowning again. Oikawa’s sleep-ridden voice is laced with sadness when he says again, “Please don’t go. I know I said a wouldn’t ask anything else of you but last night you told me you loved me and I’m not ready to give up hope that you still do.”

Something inside of Koushi breaks and all of a sudden he’s sobbing out loudly into Oikawa’s shoulder as the taller boy holds him flush against his chest. 

They stay like that for a while. Every once in a while Suga will choke out a sentence:

“How could you love me?”

“You don’t love me. You can’t.”

“I’m sorry, I love you.”

Along with other variations. Every time Oikawa just shushes him and whispers that he loves him into Koushi’s hair.

They stay there for hours it feels like until Koushi tries to talk again, “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Koushi, I’m going to say it until you believe me. And if it takes my entire life to convince you then you better get used to hearing it.”

Koushi sobs even harder.

 

EPILOGUE*~*~*~*

“Tooru are you seriously forcing us all to watch another one of these conspiracy theory shows again?” Koushi says plopping down on their sofa and curling next to his boyfriend.

“Oh shut up. You love them,” Tooru grins down at the silver-haired boy under his arm.

“I love you. There’s a big difference.” Koushi responds with a wink as the rest of the room groans.

“You two are sickeningly cute. It makes me want to puke,” Hajime mutters.

“Don’t be so vulgar Iwa-chan!”

“Shut up, Shittykawa.”

“Can you all just shut up so we can watch the damn show?” Tsukishima grumbled.

“Babe,” Kuroo warned.

“I’m with Tsukki,” Akaashi said, raising his hand.

“Keiji,” Bokuto said drawing out his name as usual.

“Can all of you stop being grossly coupley before I puke?” Yamaguchi piped up from the spot on the couch.

A chorus of “Sorry Yamaguchi”s were muttered as Tooru pressed the play button on the remote and snuggled closer to Koushi.

He pressed a quick peck to Tooru’s cheek as the theme song played.

“Careful, Koushi, or Yama-chan is going to yell at us again.” Tooru teased.

“Worth it, just to say I love you,” Koushi drawled.

“I love you too, Koushi.”

They smiled at each other as Yamaguchi groaned.

There was no better place in the world to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Wooooohoooo that was a wild ride my friends. I hope y'all liked it enough to leave a comment!! oR a kudos, what ever floats your boat.
> 
> Here are some notes from my outlining process that I think you'll enjoy  
> -she thinks his gay crisis is hysterical  
> \- first year suga and kuroo were roommates (listening to him whine about how tsukki doesnt love him is amusing) and Oiks is rooming with bokuto and they decide to trade roommates for second year bc oiks is nostalgic and the bros™ can afford an apartment with akaashi so its cool  
> -Suga is fuckin pissed  
> -But it still hurts more than he wants to admit and no he is not crying NO SIREE  
> -He doesn’t realize that the guy looks almost exactly like him (lol its semi)  
> -So daichi and iwa form a (shitty) plan  
> -The last part could be a fic all of its own oh well
> 
> so thats a snippet of my writing process! yay.
> 
> (who guessed that the guy was semi bc if you did you're right)
> 
> last but not least if you want to ever just come scream about haiku are anything my inbox is always open on Tumblr which is right there ---> https://akkgaaaahhssshiii.tumblr.com
> 
> ily all and thank you for reading!!


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